In my head
by Feenmaedchen
Summary: Actually Fenja should have never been sent to Group A. But that one time Wicked made a mistake, well not a real mistake rather a slight misscalculation. Now Fenja is stuck in Group A with no memories at all. No memories despite that one voice which keeps telling her to run. And she will do everything to find that one person fitting the voice.
1. Chapter 1

Hello there,

welcome to my first story in english. I really never tried that before and so I would be pretty happy for every little Correction and every Review I can get. So it would be nice to get a few words about how I'm doing and if I sound as horrible as I assume I do.

Greetings and have fun.

Feenmaedchen.

* * *

I don't know how I got here.

I don't know who I am.

I don't know where I came from.

I don't know who these boys are.

I don't know anything.

Well, other than the fact that I'm sitting in a cage that stopped moving a few minutes ago and that I've haven't moved beyond breathing because my fear has taken a firm grip on my mind. But you could hardly call that knowledge.

"What the shuck is that?" One of the boys looks down at me with disdain.

"Never seen a girl before, Gally?" A few chuckles. I don't really feel comfortable down here, especially as the boy shouts invective back at whoever dared to laugh at him. Nothing he says is anything I've ever heard before. Nothing he says is something I would call eloquent.

Too insecure to actually say something I just press myself a little harder against the walls of the box. I would be very happy if it would close again, but I guess it won't do me that favour. All I can think about is the fact that I'll eventually have to get out of here. It's not that I like it down here, but I'm pretty sure I wouldn't like it up there either.

"Get out of there, Greenie. You'll get used to the feeling of knowing nothing eventually. Promise." A guy with blonde hair hunkers down in front of the cage. He holds out a hand, which I decide to ignore. I still haven't decided whether I want to get out or not. Honestly, I want to stay down here as long as possible to give myself a chance to keep up with what's happened. It's something I just can't figure out and I really don't like the feeling.

"The greenie's ignoring you, Newt." Most of the boys laugh. I don't find it funny at all, but I guess that's just my point of view.

There are around forty boys staring down at me. Forty dirty boys and not a single girl. I don't feel good about that fact. To be honest I don't feel good at all. All I want to do is lay down, close my eyes and wake up wherever I fell asleep. But I get the feeling that won't happen.

I want to know where I am. I want to know why on earth I'm here. And as far as I can see, why am I the only girl?.

"Get up here now or we'll come down and get you." Gally doesn't look too pleased. In fact he looks like he'd drag me up without a second warning rather than wait for me to decide which option I like better. The blonde guy beside him looks fairly curious but he doesn't contradict his words. As I look up at the two of them I can feel the panic slowly creeping in. I don't want to. I don't want to go up, but I have to. Now. Before I can think my decision over again, I grab the hand of the blonde boy and allow myself to be pulled up.

I stumble a few steps forward until I manage to catch my balance. Some of the boys laugh again. I'd like to tell them to shut the hell up, but I get the feeling that would be a rather dumb thing to do. Especially if you consider the fact that I am surrounded by the boys. Gally and Newt are standing in the middle of the circle along with me.

Hoping I could find something that could give me a quick idea of where I am, I start glancing around. A spacious area, with huge stone walls on all sides and a building in the middle of it that seems more dilapidated than habitable. It was not exactly what I expected to see. I didn't expect much, but I certainly did not expect to be caged. Caged, and alone with forty boys.

"Already seen enough, greenie?" Newt watches me, observing and waiting for a reaction. I don't think I could give him one even if I wanted to. The circle grew tighter and I can barely hear my own thoughts over the growing panic. Claustrophobia? I know the meaning of the word but not if it applies to me. It seems like it but I'm not really sure. I hate not knowing, I hate feeling as if I don't even know myself. It's so frustrating.

"Bloody shanks, leave some breathing space for the Greenie!" – "That's a girl, Newt. They sent a shucking girl up here." Most of the boys nod. Well I didn't ask to come here. In fact I'm pretty sure I never agreed to come here in the first place. I would be happy to go home again. As soon as I figure out where home is.

"Thanks. I have some eyes of my own that work just fine. The fact that she's here won't change because you bloody shanks make her panic even more." Newt sounds annoyed. Not only annoyed but pretty pissed. I'm not quite sure if the boys decided I'm definitely female or if Newt actually got them to stay back a bit but the circle widened and I could finally breathe freely again.

I still can't remember anything. Not even my name. And that scares me more than anything else. I know nothing about myself. I don't know anything about where I am either. I guess this is the part where I should wake up, right? Right?

"You remember your name, Greenie?" Not exactly the question I want to hear at the moment. To be honest, I don't really think I want to hear any questions right now, but that is definitely the worst of all. Well, not that I actually planned on telling them my name. None of them seem pleased about me being here. None of them seem to be making an effort to make me feel less alone. I guess you could say Newt is trying, but you really need to close both eyes to count that. I think about ignoring Newt again but it didn't work the first time so I guess it won't work this time either. Insecure I shake my head. All I get as an answer is a shrug. Not soothing at all. I don't know why nobody seems worried about the fact that I don't know my goddamn name. As for me, I feel like crying and screaming at the same time.

"You'll remember it by tomorrow or the day after tomorrow. Until then: Welcome to the Glade." Newt smiles in a way that almost convinces me that not everyone here is a complete moron.

The circle grows wider a last time and now I see what the abnormality in the wall actually is. A gate. A huge, open gate.

_Run, Fee. **Run!**_

The voice in my head comes without any warning. In the instant I hear her, I freeze without the ability to move even if I wanted to. While I stand, there I suddenly know three things for sure. First: I have a name and it is not Fee. Second: The voice is panicking. And third: I would do anything this voice tells me.

Even before I can finish my thoughts I start moving, as though my body has never done something besides react to what this voice tells me.

I'm smaller than the boys and they clearly didn't expect me to suddenly start running. Stunned faces, incoherent words, hands reaching for me. I don't see them. I don't hear them. I avoid their outstretched hands and shake off the ones that manage to get a loose grip on me. The only thought in my head is the urgent need to run. To hurry up. Knowing that there is a reason, an important reason but I don't quite know what it is.

"Minho!"

The panic is echoing through my head, forcing me to run faster. I feel tears running down my face but I don't slow down. I can't slow down because I know I have to reach the gate. It's more important than my name and by far more important than the reason why I am here. I just need to run.

I know that voice. I really do. But there is no face to it. Not like that would be important. I would do anything for that voice regardless. Anything.

Heavy breathing behind me clues me in that something's chasing me and not far behind. The gate is closer now, if I keep running I'll reach it in a few seconds. I need to be faster than whatever's following me. Without thinking and without slowing down I sidestep, stumble, and manage to keep running. There is some cursing behind me but it wasn't enough. A hand drags me back, setting me off balance and sending me tumbling to the ground. My pursuer follows suit. Grass, stones, more cursing.

_Run, Fee. **Run!**_

I get up and stumble a few steps, trying to reach the gate but I get pulled back and fall to the ground again. This time, I don't manage to get up before the hands get a better grip on me. The voice keeps telling me to run with such panic that I continue fighting, despite the fact that I know I've lost. By the time I fell I knew I wouldn't reach it in time. But that doesn't matter. Nothing matters but to reach the gate. I ignore my bruises from falling down, ignore the fact that my hip hurts like hell. I need to run. Faster. My whole body concentrates only on the fact to get up again. But the two hands get support from another pair of hands, insistently pinning me to the ground and leaving me without the chance of moving a muscle.

Then there is a blood freezing sound. Leaving me stunned for a second. It will soon be too late. Too late to reach the gate. I know it but I don't know why I do. Not important at the moment.

I start fighting the hands with even more effort. The sound gets louder every second, leaving me with a growing feeling of horror. I manage to get up a few inches. Only to see that the gate closes. The fucking gate closes and I can't reach it. But I have to.

"Hana!" With a muffled echo the gate closes. Leaving me in tears. The voice is gone. Breathing heavily I let myself fall back on the ground without giving notice to either of the guys near me. I look up in the sky trying to calm down and try to get everything that just happened in some reasonable order in my head. I fail miserably.

Next to me someone gets up, cursing pretty badly. Probably the one hunting me down. I remember him running behind me. Why I got even more frightened at the thought that someone was following me seems a lot less logical now.

"I asked you if you're dumb, bloody shank!" Newt's face appears in front of mine which surprises me, but I guess the hands holding me down have to belong to a face. Newt looks like he is about to kill someone. It isn't hard to guess it's me. I try to shrug my shoulders but I fail as he still pins me to the ground. His breath is unsteady. To be honest I don't know what I should answer despite shrugging my shoulders. Anything I could say would only upset him even more. Saying 'Hey, some voice told me to run and well I did.' and adding 'I would do it anytime again.' wouldn't be too clever at the moment. So I just lay there trying to catch my breath while Newt glares down at me.

"Oh great, a weak-minded shank. " Gally rolls his eyes and turns away, disinterested. Not that I'm complaining or anything, I'm fine with it.

"Weak-minded but faster than you'll ever be, slinthead." The voice next to me sounds breathless as well but not half as pissed as I imagined. Gally shouts something back which I don't understand but considering what I've learnt of him until now, I didn't miss anything important.

Slowly, I turn my face to the right, where the boy who was chasing me is sitting. His trousers look pretty ripped up and there's a scratch on his left leg that's bleeding slightly. He won't be too happy about that one I guess. His upper body looks to be in much better condition than mine does though. I guess he had at least a little control over his fall while I got the rug completely pulled out from under me.

"You know what would have happened if Minho hadn't bloody caught up with you?" Newt's grip on my arms gets tighter. It starts to hurt now and I grimace but that doesn't seem to bother him. Clenching my teeth I try to come up with an answer or at least with an acceptable comeback. But I fail and so I just keep silent. It worked before so I'll count on it again.

"Get her out of my bloody sight until I speak with Alby. Just take her to the Med-Jacks with you, Minho." Newt suddenly sets my arms free and disappears from view. The circle around me slowly disperses while I just lay there, trying to sort out my thoughts because nothing is making sense. Not the place I am now, nor the people around me. I don't know them. Probably. Then there's that name, Hana. I don't remember hearing it before, it was just suddenly in my head. As sudden as my own name. The name is important to me. I want to protect the person behind it. I want to protect her so badly it hurts, but I don't know why.

Tears of frustration run down my cheeks as I lay here, crying, thinking, and ignoring everything around me.


	2. Chapter 2

A few Minutes later someone next to me sighs. Right. Newt told someone to take me along to the Med-Jacks. I really don't want to but not like anyone here would be interested in the things I actually want.

"Get up, Greenie. There's no Gazer left." Minho sounds the nearest to nice I heard today. And I thought he would be even more pissed after he hurt his leg because of me.

"Fenja. I guess my name is Fenja." My voice sounds throaty, like someone who didn't speak for a long time. Well I can't remember when I did, so it might as well be a pretty long time ago.

Minho gives me a sceptical glance, as if something would disturb him. While I return the look I fold my arms in defence. I have no clue what I did wrong this time and really I have enough of getting treated like a goddamn idiot. I come here, knowing nothing but that doesn't mean I am not able of learning something. Okay I might not want to learn the slang around here.

I can think for myself despite the fact that no one else seems to think I might be able to. And at this point I don't really care anymore. If they underestimate me, I'm fine with that but I am sure as hell they will regret it.

Minho seems like saying something but only shakes his head in the end, pulling me up along with him. The sudden movement sends painful Spikes through my whole body and I can barely keep myself from whining. I feel like I hit some wall in full speed but I guess you could indeed put it this way.

Although he sends me an apologizing look, he keeps quiet while we walk towards the Building in the middle of the Glade. I don't want to go there. Truth be told I feel the panic taking over only thinking about entering that House looking like it could collapse any moment. To distract myself I look around. Some of the boys work on a field; some of them work with animals. It's like a little Ranch embedded with huge stone walls. Some giant, disturbing stone walls. To be honest I don't want to know what lays behind them. But to figure out what is happening here I have to. If I want to know who Hana is and why she keeps telling me to run I need to go where I really don't want to. It's important to go out there. I know that one for sure. Although I don't know why I know it and that scares me a whole lot more than staying here over night captured with a bunch of frustrated boys.

I didn't pay attention on how close the House really is and when Minho enters it looking requesting back at me I feel the sudden urge to crouch down. I hate closed Buildings. I hate them with all my heart. And I don't care about how stupid that would look at all which leads me to the conclusion that I really might have claustrophobia.

"You coming, Greenie? Or you need some special invitation?" Minho seems somehow curious. Not moving a single muscle as if he is waiting for me to do something stupid. Like turning around and running for my life.

"Don't think so." I take a step back looking utterly terrified by the thought of having to actually enter the House. If I need to sleep in there then I'd rather sleep in the pouring rain. No matter what I won't follow Minho. Who looks kind of annoyed by now.

_Keep breathing. Concentrate. You know you can do it._

With wide eyes I look up to Minho, who just closed the door again and came back to me. I don't have the slightest clue why the voice speaks to me. But to be honest it works. The panic which was about to overwhelm me and keep me from breathing slowly fades. I take one deep breath trying to keep the cadence of the voice in my head. It eases me down, helping me not to freak out by the thought of only going one step closer to the door.

"You okay?" I slowly nod. I still haven't figured out where the voice is coming from, what it wants from me and why it is so soothing for me. But it knows me. Doubtless better than I know myself. With enough self-control I probably can enter that house. Not for long. Not without some good distraction. But it is possible even if I would have laughed about that possibility only one minute ago. And really it's freaking scary that some voice seems to know me. It's like that voice guided me through some things in my life already and I just need to remember how.

While I stare at the door without truly seeing it, I come to the conclusion that the voice is a memory. A memory from my Life before getting here. Hana has to be the name of the voice. Which tells me exactly two things. First: I am capable of remembering, even if it's only a small fragment. Second: Hana is the one and only support I will get here. As I seem to relive some parts of my former live.

Minho waves a hand in front of my face. I am not sure if he said something after his question but it pretty much looks like it.

"I can't get you to enter it, can I?" I could try to prove him that he is wrong. But I don't want to so I just shake my head. For this evening I really had enough excitement no need to test my self-control again.

"Oh, Shuck it." Minho looks like someone wondering if the world really hates him. I try to look guilty but I happen to fail miserably. He gazes back at me than back to the House.

"You won't move, got that Greenie. I'll go get the Med-Jacks out here." One last warning glance and he disappears through the door. Leaving me rather insecure. I didn't want to be alone but I guess there is no helping about it know. At least I get some time to sort my thoughts. Probably I can provoke Hana to talk with me. There are a few possibilities on doing this although I don't like them. To be fair I don't even like the thought of remembering what scared her that bad. She seemed to be so desperate.

"Doesn't matter", I whisper to myself trying to focus on the important things: Provoking Hana to talk to me. I could leave the Glade through the Gate but as they are closed at the moment and I'm not sure if they will open again that wouldn't be a good option. Entering that scary house on purpose may be a better idea. Not for my sanity but you need to make sacrifices. Another probability is putting my live in danger. Although I am not sure if that would make Hana talk, plus I don't even know if there is a possibility on putting your life at risk here.

"Don't think you'll get special treatment all the time, Greenie." A grumpy looking boy leaves the House, followed by Minho. Who looks just as discontent as him. Guess I'm not making friends at the moment.

"Cut it off, Jeff. Just for tonight. I want to go to bed before the shucking Gates open again."

While Jeff asks me multiple Questions about the things I remember and where my body hurts, I keep focused on the one important thing I just found out. The Gates will open again. And I swear to God someday I will go and check what lays behind the Glade. But I guess not tomorrow. My hip hurts as hell and I am pretty sure I won't be able to run even if I wanted to.

"Take your Shirt off." – "What?" To say I am confused is a little understated. Minho looks something between stunned and amused. Jeff just looks annoyed. Okay not only annoyed he clearly has his fun with his demand.

"I told you to take your Shirt off. Need me to repeat it again, Greenie?" That may be the payback for me not entering the house. But it could as well be just some boy trying to convince me that it would be a good idea to take my clothes off in front of the main building of the Glade. For some Moments I just stand there deliberating about whether it would be good idea or not. But I come to the conclusion that I don't really care. And that confuses me as much as waking up in a metal box.

As I take my Shirt of Minho just stares puzzled while Jeff just keeps blinking.

"I'd never thought _that _would actually work." – "Hurry up and do your checking's. It gets cold." To be fair with Jeff, he starts doing it only a few Moments later. And he knows what he is doing, as far as I can judge it. The unction he applied on my wounds burns and by burning I mean hurting more than actually soothing the wound. I am not sure if that is how unguents are supposed to work.

"Try not to move too much. I guess your hip has a contusion." – "I can put my shirt back on?" Jeff just sends me back a smirk: "You can keep it off I'd say."

Minho bursts out in laughter while I get dressed properly again.

"And I thought that day will end bad."

I really am surprised that I just don't care. I don't care to stand half naked in front of some guys I have never seen before. Not because I want them to see me, but because I know that some has to look at my bruises. And somewhere in the back of my head I get the feeling that I am rather used to wear no shirt at all.

"Come on Greenie. Bedtime." Without waiting for me Minho makes his way away from the House. Completely to my pleasure. No sleeping inside the house for me, that's nice.

The group of Hammocks we reach shortly after couldn't have made me any happier. And it would be a lie if I'd say I would have been awake longer than two seconds after I lay down.


End file.
